How Might We Remain More Curious, Than Certain?

I remember all too well the days pre-kids when my husband and I would be eating at a restaurant and see families at nearby tables.  We couldn’t help but notice the kids entertaining themselves on devices and the easy “kid-food” being delivered to table, you know the mac and cheese, pizza or chicken nuggets.  We were SO certain we would never use those strategies when we became parents. We of course would be engaging our kids in meaningful conversation, and our children would eat healthy, organic food from a variety of cultures at an early age.  Fast forward many years, at dinner with two young boys and ooooh have we changed. We do try to engage our children and feed them healthy, but now can also appreciate the magic of a little screen time and the ease of “kid food” at time — certainty erased!

“We have to be willing to let go of our certainty and expect ourselves to be
confused for a time”

— Margaret Wheatley

As a recovering perfectionist, I liked being certain about things in life and having the “right answer.”  In some regards it made things easier and this was reinforced for many years of my life in school where the right answer was definitely more valuable than a question.

Over time I’ve realized that in most situations there can be alot of “rights” and I have become a lot less certain over what the “right” answer or approach could be. Now, instead of searching for the perfect way to solve a problem, I explore options, lots of options.    

If like me, you are a recovering perfectionist or just like having the “right answer” here are few ways you can work to remain more curious than certain.

• Suspend Judgement - Resist making snap judgements about ideas or situations.  Our certainty has the danger of shutting down ideas. I’ve learned that the best ideas often hide in the crazy ideas, so if I shut down an idea too quickly (even if it sounds crazy) I lose out.  To avoid this, suspend your judgement and try adopting phrases that are more generative in nature. (“What if..?” “How might we make that work?”  “You may be right.”)

• Check Yourself - The more experience we have in education, the more certain we may became about some of our beliefs.  Try questioning yourself. In any given situation, I like asking myself a few questions to challenge my own thinking.  (“What might I be wrong about?”  “What might happen if I didn’t solve it this way?” How is my experience getting in the way?”)

• Ask More Questions - Simply, spend more time asking questions. Try asking open-ended questions, questions that start with what, how or why.  And even better try asking questions that you don’t know the answer to! You’d be amazed at how this changes the types of questions you ask.

As I’ve worked to stay more curious, I find I am less certain about most things in education and it is okay.  Playing in the space of uncertainty allows for creativity and possibility. What are you no longer certain about?  I’d love to hear.  #DT4EduLeaders

When Was the Last Time You Were Bored?

“When was the last time you were bored?” was the question posed by Manoush Zomorodi, author of Bored and Brilliant, host of @Notetoself, during a session at SXSWedu earlier this month.  The question stumped me. The last time I was bored?  I’m a working mom of two elementary school kids currently launching my first book who also volunteers to run our school’s foundation.  Who has time to be bored? I can’t remember being bored since at least 2008. Who cares?  And yet, the question lingered and nagged at me long after Manoush’s session.  On the flight home, other questions started flooding my mind. When had life become so busy? Was I wearing busy as a badge of honor?  How much did my phone and all the apps, dings, texts and notifications contribute to my business? Was any of it necessary? And worse, what was I teaching my kids by living such a busy life largely dictated by my phone?

In Bored and Brilliant, Manoush shares incredible research about how our smartphones are not only taking control of our lives but are actually reshaping our brains.  She offers seven challenges to help you establish a baseline for your habits and clear some of the noise to create the space for boredom.  Was I ready to take on the challenge?

“When you pay attention to boredom, it gets unbelievably interesting.”

— Jon Kabat-Zinn

The timing couldn’t have been more perfect as we were headed to Mexico for five days.  Sharing what I learned with my family, I committed to really disconnecting for our vacation.  No facebook, Instagram, Twitter or email. I was ready to turn it all off. When I told my boys, they cheered (and I knew they would hold me accountable!)  We all agreed our goal was to get bored and it was the best thing we have done as a family in a long time. Our days were filled with sandcastles, ice cream cones, and naps in hammocks.  I felt so happy watching Owen, my seven-year-old, laying by the side of the pool watching a line of ants do their thing. It was then that I decided I wanted more of this and I was capable of making it happen at home as well.  

Vacations end all too quickly and life resumes with all the daily challenges.  While life isn’t as slow as it was on vacation, we have managed to slow it down.  Getting bored is now an option at our house. We are creating space for thinking, creativity, and downtime that we hadn’t done before.  Thank you Manoush, for reminding me that I am in control of when my phone gets to interrupt my life and I don’t need all those notifications all the time.  Thank you for helping me see how important my habits are in setting the tone for those around me. It will be an ongoing journey for sure, but given the choice, I’ll choose the boredom badge over the busy badge anytime!

When was the last time you were bored?

How are You Playing with Questions?

In honor of “Question Week,” I thought it might be fun to share the ways in which I am playing with questions at home.  We all know that questions are important. They can be serious, they can be more important than answers and they can be playful!  With two boys, ages 7 and 8, I am living with the silliness of questions.

After being inspired by a Huffington Post article “25 Ways to Ask Your Kid So How Was School Today Without Asking Them How Was School” originally posted in 2014, I started asking my kids crazy questions.   It wasn’t easy and I fell back on old habits asking, “How was school today?” more than once, but I was always rewarded with a more interesting conversation whenever I had a more interesting question.  One of my favorite tools to support this question asking endeavor is an app called “Talk2Kids” that offers one question a day to use with kids. Here is a glimpse of some of the questions from last week:

• If you were a zookeeper, what would be the scariest animal to feed?
• What is the longest word you can spell?
• If you could choose who would you sit by in class? Who would you NOT want to sit by in class?
• If you could create a new flavor of ice cream what would it be?
• What would you do if you found a magic wand?

My boys love answering these questions.  We usually ask and answer them on the walk to or from school.  We talk, share ideas and laugh. Time flies. It has already been two years of me intentionally asking questions during our walks.  I don’t do it every day, but if it goes too long without a question my boys ask for it. It’s become a part of our routine and we all enjoy the playfulness of these questions.

With Amazon’s Alexa at home, there are many more opportunities to play with questions. It turns out 7 & 8-year-old boys push Alexa to her question answering limits.  Here are just a few questions my boys have asked Alexa in the last few weeks and Alexa delivers a humorous response to all of them! (Don’t believe me, try asking them!)

• Alexa, can you sing me a song about technology?
• Alexa, what does a fart sound like?
• Alexa, where did you come from?
• Alexa, what do you eat?
• Alexa, can you tell me a joke?

Not too long ago, my youngest son, Owen started asking a question every night at the dinner table.  Sometimes the questions are downright silly, but sometimes they are pretty profound for a seven-year-old and they stump my husband and I.  Just the other night he asked us, “If you could create any business you wanted what it would be? Why? What would name it?” Not to be outdone by his younger brother,  my older son Jake asked us, “What is your biggest failure that you’ve turned into an opportunity?’” Speechless, but happy I have to believe playing with questions on our daily walks to school is helping them develop more curiosity and making them more comfortable with questions.  How are you playing with questions?