How Might We Remain More Curious, Than Certain?

I remember all too well the days pre-kids when my husband and I would be eating at a restaurant and see families at nearby tables.  We couldn’t help but notice the kids entertaining themselves on devices and the easy “kid-food” being delivered to table, you know the mac and cheese, pizza or chicken nuggets.  We were SO certain we would never use those strategies when we became parents. We of course would be engaging our kids in meaningful conversation, and our children would eat healthy, organic food from a variety of cultures at an early age.  Fast forward many years, at dinner with two young boys and ooooh have we changed. We do try to engage our children and feed them healthy, but now can also appreciate the magic of a little screen time and the ease of “kid food” at time — certainty erased!

“We have to be willing to let go of our certainty and expect ourselves to be
confused for a time”

— Margaret Wheatley

As a recovering perfectionist, I liked being certain about things in life and having the “right answer.”  In some regards it made things easier and this was reinforced for many years of my life in school where the right answer was definitely more valuable than a question.

Over time I’ve realized that in most situations there can be alot of “rights” and I have become a lot less certain over what the “right” answer or approach could be. Now, instead of searching for the perfect way to solve a problem, I explore options, lots of options.    

If like me, you are a recovering perfectionist or just like having the “right answer” here are few ways you can work to remain more curious than certain.

• Suspend Judgement - Resist making snap judgements about ideas or situations.  Our certainty has the danger of shutting down ideas. I’ve learned that the best ideas often hide in the crazy ideas, so if I shut down an idea too quickly (even if it sounds crazy) I lose out.  To avoid this, suspend your judgement and try adopting phrases that are more generative in nature. (“What if..?” “How might we make that work?”  “You may be right.”)

• Check Yourself - The more experience we have in education, the more certain we may became about some of our beliefs.  Try questioning yourself. In any given situation, I like asking myself a few questions to challenge my own thinking.  (“What might I be wrong about?”  “What might happen if I didn’t solve it this way?” How is my experience getting in the way?”)

• Ask More Questions - Simply, spend more time asking questions. Try asking open-ended questions, questions that start with what, how or why.  And even better try asking questions that you don’t know the answer to! You’d be amazed at how this changes the types of questions you ask.

As I’ve worked to stay more curious, I find I am less certain about most things in education and it is okay.  Playing in the space of uncertainty allows for creativity and possibility. What are you no longer certain about?  I’d love to hear.  #DT4EduLeaders

3 Phrases That Will Change How You Lead

Changing how we lead isn’t always easy, in fact changing behavior can be downright difficult.  We have to consciously work to shift behaviors that may have been ingrained over time. We’ve practiced behaviors that may come naturally but we have to ask ourselves is it really working? Our schools desperately need leaders who are willing to change and seek out new opportunities.  

As I spend time with educators, I have become more aware of the ingrained language we collectively use in education.  Language has power. Too often I hear the same words or phrases used by leaders that indicate a culture of powerlessness or that unintentionally supports the status quo.  Here are just a few common responses I hear to new ideas or opportunities: Great idea, but we don’t have the time (or money, or staff). We’ve never done it that way. We have too much on our plate right now. Let’s form a committee to talk more about it.  ALL of these responses have become habitual and actually shut down possibility and opportunity before they even have a fighting chance.  

If you want to start seeing potential where others see problems, try shifting from a language of status quo to a language of possibility.   Practice incorporating the following three phrases to change your pattern of thinking into your daily work and I think you’ll be surprised with how these subtle shifts can open up new opportunities for the team and organization you lead.

1. Yes, and…  Creativity is fueled by the uplifting words and actions of others. When faced with a new idea it can be tempting to offer a “yes, but..” pointing out reasons why it may not work. Instead try to build on the idea, but adding a “yes, and..”  Focus on taking someone’s idea and making it bigger. “Yes, and….promotes a positive dialogue whereas “yes, but . . . ,” shuts down the conversation.

2. How might we…?  These three words are  powerful because the “how” implies there is not yet an answer and there is room for discovery, the “might” implies there is a world of possibility, and the “we” implies we are in this together. “How might we . . . ?” becomes an irresistible invitation to the work. Once people accept your invitation, you can continually nudge them further.

3. What if…?  These two little words are quite possibly my favorite two words when combined, because together they have so much power. The utterance of these two words opens up a world of possibilities and signifies that the person asking them doesn’t have all the answers. They are open to exploring new ideas. One person asking, “What if . . . ?” is intriguing, and a collective group of thought leaders or educators within an organization asking, “What if . . . ?” is powerful.

What are some ways you might incorporate these phrases into your work? What are some habits in your language that maybe blocking what you need to change? I’d love to hear about the new possibilities and opportunities that shifting your language can create.

How are You Playing with Questions?

In honor of “Question Week,” I thought it might be fun to share the ways in which I am playing with questions at home.  We all know that questions are important. They can be serious, they can be more important than answers and they can be playful!  With two boys, ages 7 and 8, I am living with the silliness of questions.

After being inspired by a Huffington Post article “25 Ways to Ask Your Kid So How Was School Today Without Asking Them How Was School” originally posted in 2014, I started asking my kids crazy questions.   It wasn’t easy and I fell back on old habits asking, “How was school today?” more than once, but I was always rewarded with a more interesting conversation whenever I had a more interesting question.  One of my favorite tools to support this question asking endeavor is an app called “Talk2Kids” that offers one question a day to use with kids. Here is a glimpse of some of the questions from last week:

• If you were a zookeeper, what would be the scariest animal to feed?
• What is the longest word you can spell?
• If you could choose who would you sit by in class? Who would you NOT want to sit by in class?
• If you could create a new flavor of ice cream what would it be?
• What would you do if you found a magic wand?

My boys love answering these questions.  We usually ask and answer them on the walk to or from school.  We talk, share ideas and laugh. Time flies. It has already been two years of me intentionally asking questions during our walks.  I don’t do it every day, but if it goes too long without a question my boys ask for it. It’s become a part of our routine and we all enjoy the playfulness of these questions.

With Amazon’s Alexa at home, there are many more opportunities to play with questions. It turns out 7 & 8-year-old boys push Alexa to her question answering limits.  Here are just a few questions my boys have asked Alexa in the last few weeks and Alexa delivers a humorous response to all of them! (Don’t believe me, try asking them!)

• Alexa, can you sing me a song about technology?
• Alexa, what does a fart sound like?
• Alexa, where did you come from?
• Alexa, what do you eat?
• Alexa, can you tell me a joke?

Not too long ago, my youngest son, Owen started asking a question every night at the dinner table.  Sometimes the questions are downright silly, but sometimes they are pretty profound for a seven-year-old and they stump my husband and I.  Just the other night he asked us, “If you could create any business you wanted what it would be? Why? What would name it?” Not to be outdone by his younger brother,  my older son Jake asked us, “What is your biggest failure that you’ve turned into an opportunity?’” Speechless, but happy I have to believe playing with questions on our daily walks to school is helping them develop more curiosity and making them more comfortable with questions.  How are you playing with questions?